Team Blackout places 3rd

The Great American Trolly Race was on. The OB and SDSU contingents met at Old Town's flagpole where chief engineer Hank assigned the 4 teams (each a risky sampling from both contingents), told us the rules (never forget, safety second!) and led us and many patriotic on-lookers in singing the national anthem.





The asian mussel was nominated captain of team Blackout, our beautiful and talented judge pulled out the first of 45 envelopes and gave us our starting mission, catch the trolly to the Yard House, 1/2 yards for all. Ok so that piddely little pint glass was mine but I preferred to work my way up slowly...I mean, 44 envelopes to go people!

Our next mission was taken on foot...disaster, Team Red Hots faced us down at the entrance of our next classy establishment which turned out to be closed. We proceeded to Chee Chee across the street. The asian mussel had the foresight to order our 11 "special shots" before the other team so we could shave off precious minutes, road to victory paved.

Next envelope told us to get to H Street and after some confused wandering Kim realized this meant Chula Vista and not downtown and that we could in fact not walk there. Back on the trolly, Trace industriously copied down the trolly map by hand to avoid future mishaps. This surely would have won her MVP if it were not for the 3 iphones we soon discovered on our team. Our instructions for CV suggested additional point options for tattoos and piercings. The drinking destination, el Agave, was fabulous! The shots were actually whole drinks that you could make look smaller by pouring into several shot glasses AND there was a live mariachi band warming up who were all to happy to pose seductively for us.

As we had suspected for weeks due to our easy access and Hank's love for performances where human women interact with hooved animals, our next mission given by envelope 42, was to cross the border and fulfill a long litany of tasks. Just like the peso, the points were much smaller than those available in the homeland, save for going topless while swinging from an indoor pole...Less fun options included absynth, tequila with whistles, trinkets (we opted for a phallic-shaped pipe), laying hands on the friendship arch, placing a political wager, touching the zebra inappropriately requesting shakira and bucket of beer at Taco Bell.

This was the closest we came to requesting Shakira...no points.

We wound our way back to the border only to find a viciously long line of bedraggled tourists, most of whom looked like they needed a nap, or serious therapy. Luckily, our judge supplied a bottle of Jager so we were able to continue wracking up points while we waited. As we got closer to the border and precious time ticked away, team morale began to teeter on the edge, then swung between alternating highs and lows with every ensuing jager swig and churo bite, belligerency was unavoidable...no one would fight me. The asian mussel turned a deaf ear and would not succumb to my trash talking. He had already heard all those jokes about his mother, apparently.

3 hrs later most of us had made it across unscathed however our very own resident alien was sent to yet another line that delayed her even longer. The guards were clearly suspicious of her personal taste in mexican trinkets and her plans of re-selling them upon returning to australia.

Once we had re-grouped, envelope #36 told us to go to nother bar in CV, which I cannot even remember except that I am pretty sure I snuck into the bathroom to dump my almost full red bull and vodka down the drain so I would not have to endure another sip and was so happy to discover that I could hide the residual ice cubes from my team member in the stall by running hot water over them. Oh, and that we got the sour-faced lead singer of what appeared to be a RHCP cover band to sing Shakira, 5 more points.

Closely trailing us in time and good looks, team great white entered Janie's something as we were leaving and our mad dash sprint revealed we had missed the trolly. More waiting and mulling over our next destination, Kansas City BBQ where we had to catch a 10pm performance of Maverick & Goose lamenting about loving feelings. Sadly my cravings for BBQ were smacked down by our vegan captain who speedily passed out shots of night train and got us on our way. But not fast enough to miss meeting our new friend "suzanne" who liked to dance.

We had come to our final mission, if we so chose to accept it, which our judge urged us to do, disdainfully reminding us of our prudish ways in Tijuana only hours before. Our final stop required walking miles across downtown to the trendy W bar where we were to try to convince the doormen to allow our motley crew into the roof beach bar. No problem! Holly striped down to her tube top and all of a sudden seemed to be wearing make-up and I, already in black, used my girlish charm and thirst for more points to talk our way upstairs into what turned out to be a private 30th birthday party. The very large bouncer was a true team player and as soon as I told him how many points each shot was worth, he caved. 8 kamikazies and 45 points later, we were on our way back to the final destination.

All 4 teams converged on the Casbah at midnight for final drinks and revelries. Hank announced the winners. Shouts of both glee and shame were heard around the room, but mostly we were all just drunk and happy to have survived the 12 hour day with no more than a few scratches and a barely noticeable limp. Holly and I did receive a special flower for outstanding levels of prudishness in Tijuana from Hank. We are not sure what he gave the less chaste teams...but I am sure it will end up on u-tube.

It's agreed, the second annual great american trolly race took San Diego by storm on February 16, 2008. Team blackout did not however, but as I sit here with my residual headache, running my fingers across the official "GATR 2 Blackout" tattoo I was lovingly coerced into and lamenting the loss of my green fleece hat, I am certain we played our A-game and team spirit was exceptional. Go Blackouts!