Holy Buffet

Most weekends since Sage and I moved in together, we wake up by 8am on Saturday morning and by the time we have breakfast he has come up with a fun activity to do that day or the whole weekend. Whatever the bee in his bonnet is usually requires immediate action. I more or less have accepted this ritual and have resigned to not get anything of my own done (usually writing) during these two days. Two weekends ago as we sat staring at the larger than usual waves coming in over breakfast the idea was sea kayaking. I vetoed this pretty quick, pointing to the waves. Ok then, rock wall climbing. Despite my intense fear of heights, he almost had me on that one, but further discussion revealed my arms were still sore from my last workout, phew. Moving on...the Palomar observatory involving a 2 hr windy drive into the mountains and above the snow line. I was in and it really was beautiful, plus the observatory itself was very interesting. The views of San Gorgonio and San Jacinto were gorgeous! Last weekend he came up with Palm Springs, where I had never been. We literally spent 12 hours there, at one point finding ourselves at the top of San Jacinto (picture to left is view of Jacinto from our motel hottub-clearly his process is linear), and then Sunday morning his bee took us to Joshua Tree and then a drive home alongside the Salton Sea, which has gotta be the most depressing place in southern California. But the rest of the sites were awesome!

This weekend I knew I had to get some work done so I gave him daily warnings starting on Wednesday that I would have to stay in all weekend and write. He complied and Saturday passed uneventfully with him quietly reading on the couch and me crunching data. Sunday we woke up and made breakfast. Truthfully, I was in no mood to work. So when he said he had an idea, I was open. This weekend was a bit different though. He suggested we go to church.

We had been throwing this idea around since he had quit drinking so it was not a new concept. Neither one of us was particularly religious, although both from Irish Catholic families. I have probably been in a church less than 30 times in my life, including ALL weddings and baptisms in my extended family and the requisite visits when touring European countries. Because I had never even been baptized, every visit to a house of god was fraught with insecurity: "do I stand out? am I doing something wrong? how should I be sitting? can they tell I'm a heathen just from my posture?", leaving me with an overall uncomfortable feeling. But the draw for us was finding community and perhaps even a good sermon or two that would allow us to reflect on our collective journey. When we were in Palm Springs the weekend before we had walked past a church service letting out and were a bit touched by the elderly priest tottering around in his green robe bidding farewell to each member of his congregation. It was quaint and peaceful, jiving with most of the churchy memories from my childhood. Recalling that image made going along with Sage's plan easy.

He suggested one we had gone by many times, a big church he described as non-denominational. I am no church-jargon expert and the term "non-denominational" sounded to me like accepting, no pressure, even liberal came to mind. We arrived and the place was packed, the crowd was diverse and most people were dressed very casually (reinforcing my at-ease attitude). We followed the large crowd into the "sanctuary" where the sermon would be. I was shocked! This was no pew-lined quaint little country church. There was stadium seating for 1000 people and lights and cameras all pointing to a huge stage that spanned at least 400 feet across the back wall which itself was covered in blinking digital imagery. There was also a full set of rock band instruments to the side. This was like no church I had ever experienced. Although a bit weird, the non-traditional interior reinforced my idea that I was in a very liberal place.

The band came out and sang a few songs...the members looked like your run-of-the-mill indie rock band (flannel shirts and black thick-rimmed glasses). The lyrics (which appeared above them on the 400 foot screen) were upbeat enough but were all about Jesus and Josanna and following His word. Still, it seemed normal, i mean we were in church. A little Jesus talk comes with the territory. One man a few rows ahead of us stood up the duration of the singing with his arms up and out-stretched and palms open. I thought "oh, that's nice, he probably gets more of the feel of the music like that, sort of like a prayer". I tried to remain as neutral as possible, non-judging, because I really had no idea how sage was taking it all in. For all I knew, he was feeling like he had come home. So I remained open and relaxed, which was surprisingly easy.

Then two guys came out on stage, dressed very trendy, one in a v-neck tee and one of those modern fedora type hats. They did a sort of back and forth comic routine advertising all the teen, young married couple, financial planning etc. support groups sponsored though the church. From the clothing and his jokes about fashion I suspected one of them was gay and I thought "oh, that's nice, this is a church that accepts gays as pastors, very liberal!". I was even more at ease. Then more music and then the real pastor came out, actually he was filling in for the real one who was at home watching the Superbowl. He was disabled and his voice was very distorted by his disability but after a few minutes I could follow him pretty clearly. He was very funny and told a convoluted story about going to Disney land, the pool of Bethesda and his struggle being disabled. Throughout his sermon he said things like "give yourself over to Jesus" and "worship Jesus" and the like. I was feeling open enough to get his meaning without being put off by the language. His message all came together in the end about how life is a choice and you can choose between being bitter and better. It was cool and it definitely spoke to me about some things sage and I had been dealing with lately.

Then more music about His Majesty, with most of the congregation striking the open palm stance with gusto. Then we were let out. We walked to the car in silence, me waiting to gauge how he felt about it before I jumped in with my impressions, just in case he was thinking he would be coming here every Sunday. He finally asked me what I thought and when I said it was an "interesting" experience and I liked the sermon he agreed and admitted the music was horribly cheesy and the Jesus talk was over the top. We talked for over an hour about the experience. Then it came out...Sage informed me that it was a born again church, he thought it had been brutally obvious to me. In fact, he called it a 'Mega-church', a term I had heard often and one that did not necessarily have the most liberal, accepting and pressure-less associations in my mind. I learned later that this church had held one of the biggest rallies supporting Yes on Prop 8, the bill banning gay marriage in California, a bill I had vehemently opposed. I realized I could probably be sure that most of the people sitting around me bopping to the jesus tunes did not see eye to eye with me on most issues (i.e. abortion, pre-marital sex, and yes, even evolution) and that probably after a conversation I would not find them "accepting", let alone liberal.

It was almost laughable that it had not dawned on me the moment I had stepped into the spectacle that was Sanctuary. But I am sort of glad it didn't. Surely if I had gone in knowing the above, I would have been totally uncomfortable, closed, and every "Jesus!" would have made my skin itch and push me closer to a state of self-induced hyper-ventilation. Not having this armor on allowed me to approach the whole experience without expectations and really listen to the sermon. This is NOT to say I am now on the road to follow Jesus. It is quite hard for me to digest all that talk about salvation and worship. I wouldn't be opposed to going back there but would probably get a lot less out of it the next time. It is beside the point anyway. If I was looking for people to agree with my social politics I would likely not even find it in the white steepled churches of my youth, but they were what I knew. It was refreshing to see something different and be able to listen to their lessons without pretense, but also without the internal pressure to conform. Still, I woke up at 2am this morning feeling a bit unsettled that I had let myself open up unknowingly to something I have always felt I could not stomach. But perhaps there is a lesson there...

Sage and I are more or less on the same page and have decided to make this an experiment. On Sundays, when we are not chasing his buzzing bee to some distant corner of California, we are going to attend a service, a different church each time and ignoring any information about the church beforehand, save the time and location of the service. We live in a neighborhood that is certainly not lacking in churches. There is one on every block on some streets with very little denominational overlap.

Sage hopes we can catch a sermon from every existing denomination (Jehovah's witnesses: "they come to my door, why can't I go to there's?") but I have a feeling there are a few that might not let us in. Like that shiny mormon temple on the I-5 or probably most mosques. I realize this plan may sound unacceptable to anyone who takes one religion even remotely seriously. But as a religious outsider, this approach is key for me. The less I know about where I am going, the less I will engage my preconceived notions about that particular religion and the more I will be able to listen and take the sermons at face value and as they speak to me. Hopefully we will find one or two we would like to keep going back to when we feel the need.